crying

My mother died a year and 7 months ago, but sometimes it feels like last week. I often feel so guilty about it, which is a really strange reaction I think but it is real nonetheless. I am sorry that she died, that I couldn't prevent her death, that her death caused me to be away from Estonia for almost two months (first to say good-bye, then to attend the funeral), that my family in America must cope with the grieving without me there. I worry that I wasn't a good enough daughter, and although there isn't any specific unresolved issue, there is just the feeling that I should have done more somehow.

Anyway, I just read this here:
"Those parents who release their child to missionary service are, in a very real way, placing their most tender affections at the feet of the cross. By calling their child, God gives them a unique opportunity to show their love for Him. How precious their sacrifice must be in God eyes! Who better than He could understand what it costs a parent to give his child so that sinners can be saved? The last time I hugged my mother good-bye, we both knew she was terminally ill and that I would not be with her when she died. She must have understood my feelings because she said, "Rose, it's okay. I think it is wonderful that we know ahead of time we won't see each other again. This way we haven't left anything unsaid between us." Her reassurance that I was doing the right thing was her parting gift to me."

And of course that got me crying! I am not the only person to have lived through this experience!

We are due for homeland furlough next year. Although we will miss Estonia, I have already begun to look forward to certain things about America. I have never even seen my mother's gravestone!

So, today I've been crying.

We've put in two requests for furlough dates, and both have been rejected. There are only 12 months in the year and we will be gone for 3! So please pray that we have wisdom to make a good decision, and that our TC will have the same!

Chris is away visiting Captain Dan Henderson in Rakvere and Narva. Tim comes back from England in four days!

Thanks for listening and praying, friends!

Evelyn